This was the special little guy waiting for my son after he got done with his Achilles Tendons lengthening surgery. He was born with short Achilles tendons, but also had sensory issues which made him not want to put his bare feet on the floor, which ultimately left him tip-toeing instead of walking heel to toe as most people do. Just after turning four years old we saw a specialist about his constant tip-toeing and he explained his legs had hardened and ultimately ended up stiffening so much from the persistent tip toeing that his feet were no longer able to go flat-footed, even if he wanted to. After seeking the opinion of a few different specialists we knew our only option was surgery. They went in and lengthen both Achilles tendons, surgically cutting them in three sections, allowing a release in the heel cord.
The day of the surgery was one of the most nerve-wracking moments of my life. I was 20 weeks pregnant with my daughter making me more emotional than ever .While we waited in the pre-op room, our pastor came in to pray with us and our son. Before he began to pray he said “I wrote some things down that I felt the Lord wanted me to share with you, the main being always remember F.R.O.G.” “F.R.O.G.”?? I questioned, he said “yes: Fully Rely On God.” As I let that sink in I looked over to my baby boy sitting playing quietly with his little cars on his hospital bed, I noticed his scrubs were covered in little frogs. Tears stung at my eyes. Little did our pastor know, the frog in the picture above was wrapped up in my bag and was going to be waiting for my son when he got out of surgery. Now I have to admit, I didn’t want that frog. I had a cute little Monkey all picked out in my cart at Target the day before, but other son insisted we buy his big brother the frog. I reluctantly gave in, but knew now, it was really a sign straight from God, given to not just my son, but to me in the moment that I needed it the most. A reminder that he would protect and love my son throughout this entire process. My son went on and made a full recovery. He was able to walk and run better than ever before. He was discharged from physical therapy earlier than anyone ever expected and was walking without his leg braces quicker than his surgeon had ever seen a patient do in the past. And although there were moments that were completely unbearable for all of us, the recovery he made was a true Miracle. We knew God had his hand on my son the whole way through.
But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
However, here we are almost 2 years later, and today we left the surgeons office in tears once again. Our fears of his legs starting to tighten again had become our reality. This past month my son has been complaining of leg pain, and began walking on his toes again (not all the time like before, but way more than he had since his last surgery). We had hoped it was just growing pains, but after meeting with the specialist today we were faced with the fact that it is something more. I left the office with my head spinning and feeling like I couldn’t breath. I felt feel angry. I sat in the car alone (my son decided to go home with Mike who met us at the appointment after work) and I pounded my fists on the steering wheel. Crying out to God… “WHY??!! I thought this was behind us!! I thought you took care of him!! WHY?!” I sobbed the whole drive back to my parents house. While picking up my other two kids, I pushed away the “Its going to be okay and don’t think the worst” comments and left angry. I got home and felt so out of control. I wanted to keep screaming and crying but instead pretended everything was okay in order to spare my kids from my anguish that was burning inside. I went upstairs to collect myself because I literally felt as though I may be starting to have a panic attack, so overwhelmed by the what if’s and all the possibilities the specialists gave us. I sat on my sons bed looking around his room thinking “why him Lord? I know it could be worse. I know that. But it could be better. Why does he have to be in pain, and have to face all of this.. Again?!” Just then I looked down and saw his little frog laying there staring back at me. The memories of his surgery day came flooding back to me.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
How quickly I had forgotten who was in charge here. I know God loves him. I know he IS taking care of him. I know he IS protecting him, even when I may not be able to see it. And even though I am still feeling angry and upset, I know God is still there patiently waiting for me to fully rely on him. And I will. I am going to be completely honest. Its hard right now. I am upset and I don’t understand it. But in my heart, I am thankful to know he will wait for me to sort through these emotions, with no conditions, and with no judgement because he knows my heart. And even though my heart is unsettled, and overflowing with so many emotions, I know this: 2 years ago, God did give my sweet boy a miracle. Maybe not the miracle that we had originally thought, but he gave him almost two years of running freely and effortlessly. He gave him two years of no pain.
Do I know the outcome? No. Do I trust in his plan. Yes. Sometimes that’s all we can do. Trust.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
“F.R.O.G.” is a Hope-Day Wednesday Your Story, and was contributed by guest blogger, Nicole. She can be found blogging at Mommy Talk. Connect with her there or on her Facebook or Twitter page for more great posts!
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