The Waiting Season

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Waiting on intervention or provision-2

Waiting on intervention or provision from God can at times seem like fishing in the sole, small pond of a vast unending desert – heartbreakingly desperate, unbelievably necessary, and highly unlikely to succeed. Yet,

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the ‘story of my life’ is proving to be a series of demonstrations that irrefutably establish His faithfulness, and is therefore not at all the story of my life – but His story through and in my life.

Immediately after my husband and I were married, we began to try to have children. Previous to our marriage, we had both proven unable to bear children. Yet, while he secretly believed himself unable, the record of my infertility was medically documented quite extensively. My heart ached whenever I would see other women with children who seemed to be ignored, neglected or abused. Inwardly I groaned in confusion regarding the God to whom I had given my life, but who had not yet opened my womb. I cried both internally and externally at my barrenness. My pain was too much for my husband. The agony and depression that would follow each negative pregnancy test eventually caused him to ban me from taking any more. After some time, our insurance finally approved fertility treatments based on the history of my infertility, both before and during our marriage. Yet, immediately before it was time to begin, I felt the Lord asking me to wait on Him.

I did not understand, and I did not like it. But, with a heavy heart, I obeyed.

One of my most intimate memories occurred during this testing season. In it, I stood at a window in front of our balcony with tears rolling down my face. With a breaking heart, I cried out to God for answers regarding his seeming disregard for my plight. I reminded Him of the life that I had lived in the past, and how I given my life and heart to Christ, and strived daily to live in accordance with His will. I questioned how those who lived in disobedience to His will could bear children so easily, while I worked tirelessly in ministry and love, but could not. This incident took place approximately three months before we would find that we had finally successfully conceived. Without the help of modern medicine, we were suddenly expecting our first child, a much longed for daughter. Her birth brought celebratory joy to my entire family, as it was common knowledge that I had been unable to have children. But, God was not finished. Within 8 years, He blessed me with four more beautiful babies.

There is no doubt that the waiting season for a longed for intervention from God can at times seem heartbreaking. We wrestle with whether or not He hears us, and wonder whether He cares. If we have learned that He cares, we question whether His will for our lives includes the provision of the thing that we seek. We struggle with walking the line of submitting to His unknown will, and walking in faith for that which we desire. We ask “What if our desire is not in accordance with His will?” This inner turmoil can take its toil on our peace and our joy, until finally a breaking point occurs.

Upon arriving at this breaking point, we find that we have wrestled and struggled until the point of spiritual exhaustion. Here, we are finally willing to place the entire situation at the throne of grace, and trust that no matter the outcome, He loves us, and desires that which is best for both us, and those around us. We stop wondering “when”, “why” and “how” and move forward with the life we have been given as best we can, set firmly in the belief of His goodness, grace and love. Since we have stopped fighting against Him, we are finally still and quiet enough to hear him whispering those things that He had been trying to speak into our lives and hearts all along. Because we have stopped wrestling with our circumstance, we have also stopped struggling against God. Like Jacob we find that we are holding on to Him, boldly declaring in expectancy, “I will not let go until You bless me”. And because He is faithful, He does.

For further study: Romans 8:24-26 (ESV), Psalm 25:2-4 (ESV), Hebrews 4:16, Psalm 40:1 (ESV)

To continue to prayer on this subject go to today’s Daily Hope & a Prayer.

Comments

  1. “If we have learned that He cares, we question whether His will for our lives includes the provision of that thing we seek…We ask “What if our desire is not in accordance with His will?” This inner turmoil can take its toil on our peace and our joy, until finally a breaking point occurs.”
    Whatever it is we desperately seek – especially when it is a good thing – it is so hard to know not “can God” but “will He.” What if… Sometimes it is hard to let that go. I love that you point out that He lets us wrestle with it until we’re just spiritually exhausted. “Okay, are you done yet?”
    And then we realize that when we surrender, His will and our desires ultimately beautifully meet.
    Angela Martin recently posted…Wielding a broom…My Profile

    • Angela,

      Like many I’m sure, I struggle with writing my heart, and trying to constantly point to God so that He might get the glory, endeavoring to, like John “become less” so that He can “become more”. But when I read comments like that it’s hard to not weep a bit in joy and think “Someone get’s me! She hears me.” But than I am reminded that it’s not me at all, but the Holy Spirit leading, guiding and connecting. Thank you for stopping by! God bless!
      Letetia recently posted…Motivate & Rejuvenate Monday Link-Up #1My Profile

  2. Hi Letetia, what a beautiful story of God’s blessings. So glad you shared on the #livefree linkup today. Have a wonderful one!

  3. We need each other. We need God. Especially in those places where we don’t see an answer coming. Thank you for joining in the #livefreeThursday conversation. I’m so glad you did!

    • The older I get, the more I understand how our need for fellowship is intimately crafted into God’s divine design – even his design for natural introvert like me. Thank you for hosting the link-up!
      Letetia recently posted…Hope-Day Wednesday – #9My Profile

  4. Letetia, how beautiful and powerful these words are! Thank you for sharing your heart; rejoicing with you on the births of your four beautiful children!!!

    • And that was the brief version! Each child’s birth followed or occurred during a different waiting season. The story of God’s grace in regards to my children continue to leave me speechless, even after number 5. I’m very honored that it touched you! God bless!
      Letetia recently posted…Hope-Day Wednesday – #9My Profile

  5. The waiting periods are my least favorite. I wonder why! Waiting means I’m not in control and again, that is my least favorite place to be. Thank you for sharing how God used your waiting period to bring blessings. He always does; sometimes it takes more waiting than others.
    Libby recently posted…The Beauty of ChristMy Profile

    • The waiting periods are definitely some of the hardest – but man, they reap some beautiful rewards. It’s difficult to remember that in the process sometimes, though. God bless you and thank you so much for stopping by!
      Letetia recently posted…Motivate & Rejuvenate Monday Link-Up #1My Profile

      • Oh, dang it! “Wait” and “not in control” – everywhere I turn! I keep wanting to go forth, be bold, be daring. He says, “Wait.” And I am. (I even broke a toe! Talk about taking it from figurative to literal!) But I’m doing my best to be prepared for when He drops the flag!
        Angela Martin recently posted…Wielding a broom…My Profile

  6. “No matter that outcome, He loves us, and desires that which is best for both us, and those around us.” Such powerful words full of hope! Thanks for sharing your heart and your struggle!

  7. I really appreciate your story. I have a post today about my story of waiting too. Waiting for marriage until forty and having kids. God is faithful and it’s so hard to wait and not feel left out when every one around us seems to have what we long for. And just when we surrender our will for God’s, He surprises us with way more than we ever asked for in the first place. He knows what is best.

    • He is so amazing like that! And for someone like me who is naturally impatient and struggles with feeling the need to control my surroundings, those lessons are the hardest, but most valuable of all. Thank you for stopping by!
      Letetia recently posted…Daily Hope & a Prayer – Day 6My Profile

  8. What a miracle from our good God, whose timing is perfect! And what an answer to your obedience. Enjoyed your post! Visiting from Equipping Godly Women
    Lisa recently posted…The Real Saint Patrick:: books & videos for your dayMy Profile

  9. Such an honest testimony and an inspiring story about God’s great love and His hand in our lives.

    Thanks for sharing and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop.

    Wishing you a lovely weekend.
    xoxo
    Jennifer recently posted…How to Refresh and Resurrect Old Blog PostsMy Profile

    • That post was written from the depths of a season that tested spanned 8 years everything that I believed I knew about God. When all the dust settled, one thing remained. God is more than faithful. Thank you so much for stopping by and also for hosting the Shine Hop!
      Letetia recently posted…The Joyful Reward of ObscurityMy Profile

  10. We, too, are in a period of intense waiting. So hard, but so important to wait for God and seek HIS will. Thank you for sharing your heart!

    • I have found that there is no other period as relentlessly terrifying, but exhilaratingly rewarding as the waiting season. I have no doubt that God will direct and guide both of us, and when is He ready, reward our faith and our faithfulness! I stopped by your blog and saw that you are a military family. Having previously been a military family I believe God extends military moms a special type of grace. Keep trusting in Him and He will certainly direct your way. Thanks for stopping by and God bless you and your family of 6!
      Letetia recently posted…Motivate & Rejuvenate Monday Link-Up #2My Profile

  11. What a great post, life is full of Gods timing and not our own. I am so pleased for you that He has blessed you with children. Thank you for sharing part of your journey with us at Good Morning Mondays. Blessings
    Terri Presser recently posted…WHEN THE MEN ARE AWAY THE STOCK WILL PLAYMy Profile

    • As I look back on my life, I marvel at how God uses His faithfulness in things we once thought impossible as seeds for future situations that will seem even more impossible. When I think about the circumstances that I had to stand on faith for since I began having kids, I realize that if it had not been for the journey and trial of infertility, I would never have been able to stand on faith for the more difficult seasons. God is continually growing us and preparing us for the next journey. Thank you again for stopping by!
      Letetia recently posted…Motivate & Rejuvenate Monday Link-Up #2My Profile

  12. Hi, Letetia! I’m stopping by from Grace and Truth this evening. I can definitely relate to your words here, even though I’ve never struggled with infertility myself. I have, however, had to wait in expectation for other things in my life. I have wrestled with the Lord like Jacob. But I think what you said at the beginning really sums it up well, “he ‘story of my life’ is proving to be a series of demonstrations that irrefutably establish His faithfulness, and is therefore not at all the story of my life – but His story through and in my life.” Amen! It really is His story, and the more we accept this, the more peace we have in our lives. Thank you for sharing with us this week!
    Jen :)
    Jen recently posted…Not By MightMy Profile

    • Because of various ongoing trials in my life, I have become even more intimately familiar with “waiting” on the timing of the Lord. And although He has proven time and time again that He is faithful, I’m still not as patient as I wish I were. But, thank God he loves this work in progress! Thanks for stopping by! God bless!
      Letetia recently posted…Daily Hope & a Prayer – Day 11My Profile