From mercy to mercy

For the past few months, and until the end of this year I have been and will be a single homeschooling Mommy. There have been many trying and rewarding moments. Most of my concerns have been financial in nature. My husband and I look forward to carrying the gospel to unreached peoples, and I am beginning to believe that this is my training ground. I am a woman who (like most) has a deep need to feel stable and secure. In 2007, my family lost our home, cars, and savings; and then had to return home to my family. Unfortunately, this was due to several poor choices on my husband’s part. As a result, I became increasingly anger and bitter, which almost contributed to the end of my marriage. The poor choices didn’t end immediately, but God did show me that if I wanted my marriage to last, I had to trust Him to care for us, and I had to forgive my husband. My marriage was restored, but our former lifestyle never was. However, through it all, there was a steady – of sorts – income always coming in. With my beloved temporarily away, I find myself in a strange and very uncomfortable place of uncertainty.

Earlier this year we started a business and although it seemed to be doing alright, it came to a sudden halt around December. With our finances depleting quickly, I have had to walk in new faith, and that faith has not always been is not always firm. Do I continue to homeschool? Do I sell the business and try to find a job? Do I ask my husband to return home, even though I know that God has called him into this program to grow closer to Himself? Do I step down as leader of the new ministry that God called me to start, to save on gas? These are questions that have raced through my mind.

There have been many days when I don’t know how I’m going to get to church, or to a ministry meeting. And the list of unpaid bills slowly, but steadily grows. The moments when these issues are faced are often met with a sense of panic, grief and a desire to find an easy solution. Yet, it is during these dreadful moments, when I am learning to stop, and breathe and choose faith, that I experience a peace that transcends any understanding.

And as I push pass the fear and walk in obedience I find that God has lifted me onto His great and mighty wings, as He carries me from mercy to mercy and miracle to miracle.

His provision has brought tears to my eyes on more than one occasion as I sit (or stand) in awe that He loves me so much to be watching all the time, already preparing the next serving of manna, tenderly meeting all of our needs. Sweet, sweet manna, as in the ten inquiries for new jobs that I returned to after going to train others in the ministry He has recently started through me – on our last little bit of gas money. Or the unexpected money awaiting at my destination after I’ve prayed “Lord, I’m trying to be faithful, but if I don’t get any gas money, I’m not sure how I’m getting back home.”

There is freedom in letting go and realizing that the only way that victory can be won is by simply letting go of the responsibility to make it happen, and trusting God. That does not mean that I am not responsible for walking in obedience, wisdom, and prudence. But, it means simply that if a walk of obedience cannot be accomplished by natural means we are being afforded a great opportunity to experience the supernatural provision and protection of God.

How than will we experience it? Through faith that extends to us peace like a river, will we soar above that thing that defies all logic and reason, carried by a loving Savior? Or, in fear, nervous, fretful, and tired we will we be held down, overburdened by weights we were never meant to carry? God promises us that He if we trust in Him, we will not be disappointed (Isaiah 49:23). Therefore, since God is not a man that He should lie (Numbers 23:19), and since He cannot fail (Isaiah 55:10-11)…

We will not be disappointed.

I will not be disappointed.

You will not be disappointed.

Amen.