Homeschooling with a Broken Heart

Dearest Hurting Homeschool Sister,

One of the things that I love most about homeschooling is the wealth of information available on the internet. As a Christian homeschooler, I also love that vast choice of blogs which serve to encourage and strengthen one another as we walk in our calling as teachers and managers of our homes. However, as I search the blogs, it can sometimes feel a bit lonely for those who are homeschooling under less than ideal downright difficult situations. For those trying to train and homeschool their children while walking under the weight of grief, suffering, betrayal or fear, the task can seem almost impossible. (If this applies to you, I will list a few blogs at the end of this post that I hope will be a blessing and comfort to you.) However, be assured, with eyes on the Savior, you can continue to homeschool – even with a broken heart.

Can I share something very personal with you? Several years ago the pain of my circumstance was so great that the mere presence of little ones needing me, wanting me, pulling on me – loud, noisy, happy, energetic children, seemed to only exasperate feelings of wanting to hide – feelings which stemmed from the misery of my situation.

Yet, through the grace of God – and by His power – and because of His provision of peace when everything around me seemed tumultuous, I was able to persevere.

Sometimes we didn’t have school for days. (The beautiful thing about homeschooling is we create the make-up schedule.)

Sometimes it seemed that feeding, clothing and lax (I’m ashamed to admit) bathing of my children was all I could manage. And then He would strengthen me. He would help me to see my babies as He saw them, and me as He saw me, and my husband and marriage and family – well, you get the picture.

Yet, with unfortunate certainty those feelings of sorrow would return. And then I would begin sink. And faithfully, He would lift me. Because of His grace, a random series of events would give me new understanding about my role in our family. This revelation would prove key to accomplishing the tasks set before me, regardless of our circumstances.

After several years of difficulties, our family finally hit a new rock bottom. My patience with the pain and dissapointment of our situation had all but disappeared. My daughter rarely spoke to my husband, and he, feeling rejected, seldom spoke to her. My eldest son’s and my relationship was distant, and we had lost our home. We were living with family, and my youngest was just sort of – there (a super attached Mama’s boy, but just there). So, feeling unappreciated and undervalued, I decided to go back to work, and began actively seeking employment opportunities.

Yet, though I had begun to give up on God’s calling in regards to my family, He had not given up on me.

During this same period, my mom served as a judge of an oratory contest.  Among the contestants, a single speaker stood out above the rest – the only homeschooled child. Enthralled, my mother determined to speak with the students mother afterward. The women shared her family’s story with my mom, and offered valuable information for me. To both our surprise, there were others out there doing what I was trying to do.  We were not alone.

This was news to me. Sure I had heard of homeschoolers, but I did not know anyone who homeschooled. I was astonished to find that there were others who shared our convictions regarding why we should homeschool. In the months the followed, I became encouraged by the hundreds of thousands of homeschooling families, responding to individual callings to train and teach their children at home. I was motivated. I was convicted. And finally, I was convinced. I began to understand that this was not just an idea or an even (for us) an option, but instead, this was my purpose. For the first time, I began to truly see my family and my role as God saw me, valuable and important to not only my husband and my children – but to Him as well. As I walk out my responsibilities as helper/heart/teacher/trainer in my home I am playing my part in ensuring that we all walk out our callings according to the will of God.

Once I could see that I had purpose, and that I was loved and valued by God, I began to take pride in how I fulfilled my role. Submitting to your husband and covering him in prayer, regardless of your circumstance, is a lot easier, and a lot more effective, when we are doing it full of His love and by His Spirit.

If you are trying to homeschool today with hurt, grief, fear or pain, know that God loves you. He sees you. He hears your prayers. He is moving in your behalf.

Be encouraged.

You are not alone. You have purpose. He has not abandoned you and He will heal every wound.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)

I can tell you that I am more in love with my husband and my children today that I ever thought possible. And on my worse days, I thank God that I didn’t give up. Regularly I praise Him, both privately and to others, for giving me the opportunity to love on my children throughout the day, every day, modeling the love of Christ.

Finally, if you are a hurting Mommy, I’d like to share some scriptures with you which were invaluable treasures for me to both study and meditate on during some of the most difficult times. Three of my favorites are: 1 Peter 3:1-6, 1 Peter 1:3-9, and James 1:2-8.

With love,

Your dear Sister-in-Christ.

Grieving Mothers:

Raising Arrows

Mother Grieving Loss of Child

Single Mother Homeschooling:

Janet’s Country Home

Single Parent Homeschool

Homeschooling when a family member is ill:

2kidschoolhouse

Feeding the Family for Less

Proclaiming God’s Faithfulness

Whatever State I AM

Homeschooling during marriage difficulty:

Homeschooling through marriage struggles (a great article on Crosswalk.com)

Homeschooling for those in military:

So you call yourself a Homeschooler

(I will add more as I come across them)